Raabta
by Adreus
Summary: A crush is okay. A crush is okay because that means it's not his destiny, right, and his destiny is always bad. —Kaito, Chris.


**Notes:** For an AU meme, and for a friend's birthday. Prompt was, "matching soulmate markings."

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_Raabta_

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He doesn't remember when he first heard about the Mark; doesn't remember what he first thought of it, doesn't remember when he first saw it, doesn't remember what he thought when he did; all he does remember outside the semantic memory is that, for him, the Mark was really just a fairy tale, something that happened only to maudlin adults; something that fostered a weird sort of happiness, an assurance from the very universe that, yes, you have found the person for whom you were designed; something that he never, ever dreamed would be relevant to his life, because, aha, it's too much of a joke to have something so straightforward as a _soulmate_ thrown into it, don't you think? It's too perfect, too simple — too _easy_, and that's why he knows it'll never happen, that's why he's not one of those idealistic idiots that dreams of a design appearing one day around his ring finger or at the base of his neck or whatever, that's why he's — well, that's why he's okay with just having a plain crush on someone.

Because he can. Sit there and let it stir and know that he's not found his perfect match, but that's okay, because something like that would have to be a trick, right, so if it's — if it's someone that _isn't_ made for him, it's — it's better, right, and it's not like he's actually going to go for a relationship, just going to... nurse this, for now, and so he's... well, it's just _better_, he doesn't have to explain it to anyone.

It makes sense in his head, at least, and that's where it's _staying_, so as long as he can justify it to himself, he's okay, or at least he thinks he's okay, and that in itself is okay, so he's okay, and—

...He doesn't actually have a choice in the matter of being _okay_, because anything that has to do with Chris just... makes his head spin, a whirlwind of stupid responses he can't retract when they're together and embarrassing regret he can't make go away when he's hiding his face in his hands or glaring at his reflection in the mirror alone, so he _has_ to be okay, because he can't figure out how to turn it off, even if that were something he wanted, can't figure out how to make his heart stop doing dumb loopty-loops whenever Chris smiles at him or proffers his hand to help him up, can't figure out how to stop offering his own goofy grins when he gets a good combo or Chris gets a better one, just can't figure out how to stop _feeling_ this way, and if he can't, then he guesses he just... won't.

It's fine. It's okay. He keeps telling himself that, keeps hiding it away and swallowing it up because it's this innocent sort of pleasure that's all his and maybe he's selfish if he doesn't want to ruin it, but maybe it's okay — maybe he's allowed to have just this one thing, you know? Just — just a little crush, nothing to come of it and nothing to feel bad about—

—is what Kaito thinks until the day they're sitting together, Chris taking a break from his work and Kaito and Haruto who were relaxing outside, and Chris tells some stupid science joke which Kaito barely understands but he laughs too hard anyway and accidentally knocks his glass over, the entirety of its contents spilling onto Chris's sleeve, and Kaito apologizes too much and sets the glass back up before stares at Chris's soaked arm just sort of looking helpless, but Chris assures him it's okay and smiles and says it's just his lab coat and he should've taken it off, anyway, and so he does right then and there, and that is when Kaito sees it. Sees It.

Sees the Mark, a double helix woven carefully around his left wrist, and for a moment everything just stops and he _stares_ at it and Chris _notices_ when Haruto asks Kaito what's wrong before Chris says, smiling, "Oh, this?" and he laughs, explains that he woke up with it yesterday so that must mean that his soulmate's somewhere near, doesn't Kaito think, and it takes a few seconds for Kaito to process that before he nods, slowly, and he actually feels sort of sick and — and oh, god, he's _disappointed_, isn't he, finds himself staring subconsciously at his own wrist before Chris goes, "Kaito?" and Kaito has to shake it off and clear his throat and carry the conversation like he doesn't ever think about how Chris's lips might feel against his or more stupid, silly things like how their hands might feel intertwined (a _double helix_) and—oh, _god_, suddenly every single feeling he had toward Chris before is multiplied, because of course this would happen, of course the cosmos immediately rejects anything Kaito actually indulges for himself, and so of course this means that he'll have to stop, because Chris has a Mark and those always appear when your match is nearby, when you're about to meet them or you've already met (_and you don't have one to match, do you_, says a voice in his head and he's going to be sick again), so there's no — there's no point in liking him, so Kaito has to stop. He has to, because he has no choice, and it was dumb, he should be focusing on Haruto, only Haruto, Kaito doesn't matter, not now.

That is the pep talk that Kaito gives himself while he's washing his face and brushing his teeth that night, the pep talk that, hey, maybe actually sort of works, and Kaito nods at himself determinedly and tomorrow Chris is strictly his friend, nothing more, he won't even consider it — and that is when Kaito spots something on his right hand and his heart skips a beat and he's about to swat off the spider before he realizes it's _not_ a spider and he _screams_ and nearly falls over and Haruto asks _him_ what's wrong, if Kaito's okay, and Kaito has to yell back that yes, he is, there's no need to worry, except that Kaito's actually in a panic because there it is — woven on his right wrist, a double helix, a match.

Kaito pokes his head out into the hallway, looks left, looks right, stares at his hand with wide eyes, makes a run for his room. Examines It. Runs a finger around the design, up and down and around and back again, and is he relieved is he shocked is he terrified, is he stupid is he insane is he dreaming, is he fortunate or is he unfortunate, is he happy with the universe or is he mad — he can't decide, but he can't go to sleep because he can't keep his eyes closed or off of it, so he goes to a drawer, takes out a single glove, and carefully pulls it on.

The next morning, as if he's afraid that it might have disappeared, or maybe he's afraid that it might still _be there_, he doesn't take it off. Haruto asks about it at breakfast and Kaito says that he thinks it looks cool, doesn't Haruto, and Haruto looks confused at first but then he agrees, and Kaito's heart is beating in his ears, so damn fast that he doesn't really hear his little brother's voice at all, and he wonders briefly, wildly if Haruto's powers might also consist of mind-reading, but then he chastises himself because he needs to get a grip.

Like the grip on his right wrist that makes him jump out of his skin later that day, when Chris appears and asks him how he's doing and if he wants to duel today, and Kaito's flustered and flushing and he shakes his head because he doesn't trust himself to speak, and obviously Chris notices the difference in Kaito's manner immediately, so he asks what's wrong again and smiles and tilts his head and his hair falls over his shoulder and he wonders if it has anything to do with Kaito's odder fashion choices this morning, and Kaito says that he doesn't know what Chris is talking about, and Chris smiles and says, "Of course not," and before Kaito realizes the glove is slipped off and Chris is studying his hand, nodding at it like it's one of his research projects.

"Is that so," mutters Chris, frowning, and Kaito wants to die, can feel the heat in his cheeks because yes hello this is not how he wanted this to go, but then Chris looks up at him and arches his eyebrows and Kaito thinks he should probably get a heart transplant now because the one he has currently doesn't seem to work correctly at all — especially not when Chris shrugs at Kaito's lack of a proper response, and brings his lips to Kaito's wrist.

(He slips it back on when he leaves, and it throbs every now and then when he thinks about him, but he knows that it doesn't really throb at all because it's just a mark, even if it's a Mark, but it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, and it never stops, only slows, and when they meet again, it lurches).


End file.
